she left because i didn't propose

She doesn't want a guy who isn't ready to grow up (even if he's 30 or 40 years old and hasn't committed to her yet. Why is the granny a problem regarding your daughter? But if you love someone, known them for all those years. You could have waited until she was ready to commit to you. Initially, her answer was yes, but by the next morning she'd had time to think about it and decided that she wasn't ready yet, which I understood and so we put the ring on a shelf and I told her that the ball was in her court, to just let me know when she was ready. She doesnt say much about the grandmothers personality, but I really dont get the impression they get along or that theres any fondness at all. I think you like to be in control, sounds like to me you wanted him only for yourself. Consistency wins with women and it goes hand in hand with commitment. Which Is Better? If you want her back, youre just going to shoot yourself in the foot. So let me ask you again: do you really want her back? What Now? Here's how to break your addiction and start feeling better right now. After forgiving you, she stops going over your mistakes and feeling angry and disappointed at you. The same woman then went on to say: The next time he wanted to see me, he was shocked when I told him it wasnt going to happen, and I didnt want to see him anymore. Your GF hoped for many years that you would see a future with her she must be incredibly heartbroken right now. I know I have all the markings of a loser: I moved back in with my aging parents a few years ago for financial reasons (though I also help them out). Until granny passes away shell be a part of his life. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. That he owed her having a real hard think about what marriage meant to him, and if it really was incompatible with his happiness. Sweeter? I wanted it to be perfect. the guy had no real plans for his future that we was continually following through on and making progress on, he had a wandering eye and stopped making her feel appreciated and loved). If you still want her back, fair enough. I really appreciate your message. She never took our quality time problem seriously until Year 3 when she wanted to get married. ManPerspective you feel lost without her, you want to stop feeling the pain of being rejected by her, you are embarrassed to admit to your family and friends that you got dumped and she no longer wants you). It can be hard for the old generaiton to relinquish control, and the new couple want to do things their own way. Especially right after sleeping with Forrest. She probably endured shame and her own self-loathing during this long wait. Apologizing to your girlfriend for your mistake is a good thing, but its not everything. WHY? April 30, 2020, 7:40 pm. Did you think that she would put up with it forever, and that therefore not marrying her was the least risky thing? You remind her how busy you are, and she relents. If youre so keen on looking out for your daughter, WHY are you BUYING PROPERTY with someone youve been dating for less than a year!?!? It revolves around feeling heard, cared for, and appreciated. Whether you realise it or not, you also gambled, and you also lost. I didn't appreciate the pressure of this but didn't wanna tell Halle that I couldn't see myself getting married ever. Do you really want your balls tied to only ONE woman? Most men dont want to lose something and someone that they truly enjoy. He didn't buy the rings until a week before the wedding. You might say no, but science says yes. LW#1 you repeatedly decided over the course of 9 years that you were unwilling to marry her. Sometimes he sees a red-flag and wants you both to work it out first. Its possible shell even help with babysitting for date nights. You might also feel like you deserve to be treated better and you do. For years, she dreamed of marrying you. The mistake: you cant undo months of behavior by promising her that you will change, or even acting differently for a few days/weeks. A romantic narcissist is in love with the idea of being part of a "perfect" couple. LW2: I agree that you shouldnt move in with your boyfriend right now, but I have one thing to say about the grandmother: You say that youre mad that she has lived her life relying on other people. He's the man of your dreams and he says you are the woman of his. If youre able to, together, great. Something along the lines of: Holy shit, what have I done? My boyfriend at first wanted me to move into his house, but I said no, that I want to buy our own house together and start fresh. She told me that it was kinda too late for me, and that she wants to be alone and be on her own. Having gone along with it for so long should give you an idea of how truly angry she was to force herself to walk away. Youre just being the more mature one in the situation, which will make her feel respect and attraction for you. Thats what you need in a partner, not someone who will ditch their grandma because of your selfish needs, how would you like it if he felt same way about your child?? The more that you make her feel good (i.e. Why not take time to get to knwo gran and introduce the kid. Cosmopolitan.com spoke with 10 women about how they knew their guy was about to pop the question. Think back to right before she dumped you and be honest with yourself: how interested in her were you really? Every so often you'll get an ex-girlfriend reaching out to ask you for help. Which is really a bigger potential risk to a 12 year old? She pinned hopes on your changing your mind about refusing this. Thats why she will probably reject your proposal. Theyre gaining popularity where I live But my guess is that she feels relief and confidence in her choice. Well, okay, but Im not dating someone who doesnt take me seriously until Im about to dump him. You were together for 9 years thats a lot of time to consider whether you see someone in your future and want to marry them. After you put things off for so long, she just cant believe that you love her enough to commit you had 9 years to prove that you did. You should avoid putting pressure on your girlfriend or wife-to-be. When someone abandons your relationship over a marriage ultimatum, it becomes very hard to believe their offer of till-death-do-you-part. He thought everything was going great and my breaking up with him came completely out of the blue. Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram. Call her on the phone, or meet up with her in person and spark her feelings for you by making her laugh, smile and feel excited to be interacting with you again. But this is a common problem for us women. To add some flavor to this article, I paid a visit to an old Reddit thread asking women if they ever left someone who wasnt committed enough. I promise that things will be different from now on. Thats one of my pet peeves, when someone is begging for something from a relationship, and the other person wont budge until their partner breaks up with them (by which time, its too late). America is weird country when it comes to taking care of elderly relatives. She's gone because you've never really given her the feeling that you . Feeling Terribly Guilty and Sad,Guiltysad. April 30, 2020, 11:36 am. Hell, looking at the first letter, maybe breaking up with him will be the only way to get him to realize something (/sarcasm)! Youll be able to start with a clean slate, rather than always feeling scared that what happened with us will happen again.. You cant have it your way. Is marriage something you really want, or do you just want to do it now to get her back? So LW2 you need to decide what specific things would need to change if you were to live with your BF and Grandma and then determine if that works for you. Hes driving me crazy! I told her I would think about it but not to get her hopes too high. You both loved each other to remain together that long and its never easy to end what you built and your comfort of routine. I need to end 2 years invested before it becomes over 9 years, which I see inevitable. How has the cost-of-living crisis impacted saving for retirement. An example of ballsy humor is calling her up and saying, Hey ex girlfriendwhats going on.. Remember that marriage isnt for everybody. It's not because she didn't picture a future with you. 1. Add your answer to this question! If your woman is still interested in you, dont make your relationship pressure-filled with expectations. I never had children. ishad to take on a new oppertunity and was blinded by it not giving her the complete attention she deserved. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! she is attracted to you again, worried about losing you now, feeling like the relationship still can work). It means clearly communicating your intents and plans, and then delivering on what youve promised so she feels like a priority instead of an option. Sure, youve convinced yourself that in the month that youve been broken up from your girlfriend of nine and a half years, whom you refused to commit to long-term or take seriously for the latter half of your relationship, youve suddenly had a change of heart and ARE ready to settle down with her. However, a relationship can go stale if the two of you dont communicate enough. Here are the 5 steps to get your girlfriend back after she broke up with you because you wouldnt commit, When a woman breaks up with a guy because he wouldnt commit, he will often panic and think something like, Oh no! Its only been ten months, so cut your losses and keep your environment stable for your daughter by yourself. But she felt it was not a valid excuse. CurlyQue Why is it okay for him to support you and a child that is not his but not his grandmother? I dont want to take this further, and it sucks, doesnt it? Its a shame. You thought simply living together gave you more power, or something. For example: If your girlfriend was attracted to you initially because of your sense of humor, bring that out every time you interact with her. Wilson recently spoke with Drew Barrymore during an episode of her daytime talk show and revealed that she actually called Disney CEO Bob Iger for permission to propose inside the iconic theme park. When you do that, her feelings come flooding back and she becomes more open to the idea of being in a relationship with you again. As a result, her walls will come down and she will believe that giving you another chance is actually something that she really wants to do. Proposing to the love of your life is one of the most nerve-racking things you'll ever do, so naturally, you want to plan every detail and ensure the timing is just right. You can read more about how I prefer to date women here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. male What do you propose he do with his grandmother? If you didnt want to commit while she was with you, and have now changed your stance? Please believe in me. What I find so interesting is that with the right attitude the grandmother thing could be amazing. No promise of commitment. I want to date a guy who cares enough to take me seriouslywhen Im telling him what I need. Its an easy mistake to make, and you may have already made it. Dont forget that just because your ego took a hit when she left. Let her feel attracted to you again and want it and she will naturally come back to you. Get Your Ex Back Super System: The best, easiest, fastest and most effective way to get your ex back. Shes hoped and hoped for a long time- and put off leaving because she loved you that much. Theres nothing better than getting information straight from the source. BF pays the bills, Grandma doesnt. The fact that he is helping his grandma shows he has good character and values. If she feels like shes a priority, if she feels like you are listening, if she feels like shes appreciated, then youre not going to have major problems. It is surprising that you are surprised. Say something like this to her, I understand that right now, forgiving me is probably the last thing you want to do. Then again, she may have been so preoccupied with a proposal that she left you to pursue other options. Wendys response was spot on. A good relationship makes you want to invest more, not to be in a rejection mode all the time. If you arent ready to commit then dont fucking commit. You just arent used to being the one not calling the shots and it feels really uncomfortable to have your fate in someone elses hands. If your girlfriend tells you something repeatedly, she expects you to take action and change. It does not take this long to know if you want to be married to someone. Yet our boyfriends take us for granted. To show her that, you need to relax, focus on re-attracting her and not be in a desperate hurry to rush her back into a committed relationship. Let her move on completely and find someone who appreciates her enough to commit. It seems he will have to support her if not live with her for the rest of her life, but her children could contribute. (And the men were taught that that was their obligation.) If you need help with that, get my course The Fundamentals down below. She then starts to look at you as you are now, rather than the guy she broke up with who wouldnt commit. Why would somebody who has a kid be in such a hurry to push their kid into their new relationship? When she can see for herself that you have sincerely changed and are not just chasing after her and making promises out of desperation, she will start to feel respect for you again. But I havent touched on the big mistake that guys in your situation always make. All that illegal things?? So, even if a woman doesnt want kids, hates kids or just maybe wants kids, she will still be largely influenced by her breeding instincts. As you mentioned & worried about your looking for your daughter best interests, is your bf grandmother abusive? He might send her a bouquet of flowers, buy her special gifts and even write her love letters, poems or songs. ), maybe somewhere with an in-law suite so that way she has her own space, your boyfriend feels like he has taken care of her, and you can have your own area to which she doesnt have a key. Up until she dumped you, you felt indifferent about her. She asked why she was not enough. If you dont propose to her, she might be tempted to leave you for another man. She wont want to focus on that because she wont want to ruin the good feelings she is now experiencing around you. Im sorry, but this is something you have to bear the responsibility for. Resist any urge to reach out, to beg for her back, to tell her how you want to marry her now. I know I need to move on and look out for myself and it wont help me holding on since shes decided about it. It took me years of research and observation to figure out why Im a commitment-phobe. In this case, you should not feel guilty because your girlfriend might not have felt the same way as you did. After age 30, the chances are that she will find another man. As each month passed I kept wondering when was he going to propose? Its surprising she went along with that as long as she did. I was in an 7 year relationship that ended when my gf placed a marriage ultimatum down, take-it-or-leave-it style. When asked by her the reasons I responded saying that I fear I'm too young for marriage and that marriage will . Lets back to the simple stuff about you getting her back. The thing that keeps someone from being the right someone differs from relationship to relationship, but the beginning is always the same: You believe you can be the one to get the other person to change to stop drinking, to get a divorce, to create healthy boundaries with his ex/grown child/dependent grandmother. The answer, my friend, is you. You should be proud of your bf how great he is taken care well his grandmother. Do you think that after 3-4 months together you will somehow value her more when nothing changed? How could I let this happen? She was with a guy for 7 years and talked really big about their future but he wouldn't drop to one knee. It was too little too late. Perhaps I should have taken the inability to work through that in Year 1-3 as enough of a sign and bailed, but I very much wanted to marry her, so I stuck it out hoping things would change. Ms Plibersek's daughter Anna revealed her mother had made the choice with her in mind. But I was always unhappy with how we didnt spend much time together (quality time love language) and our time bonding, connecting was so incredibly limited (extreme work hours on her part, quiet nature). If you have any love for your ex if you miss her like you say you do and care for her like you should someone you suddenly think you want to settle down with the best way to express that love now is to stay away from her. So look buttercup, heres the rub. 3. She wants you to be in this for real, without desperately trying to prove that to her. That its not because he didnt marry her (you dont HAVE to marry anyone), but because he didnt think about her feelings the whole time this conversation came up again and again he never thought whether it might end things between them if he couldnt give her the thing she most wanted in the relationship- and that maybe it meant they were incompatible. This one has me shaking my head. Im not asking you to forgive me so we can get back together. If you keep rejecting something until the opportunity is on the table, it suggests maybe you havent really reflected on why you were rejecting it, or why you suddenly wanted it so badly after it was taken off the table. And now youre here. But I get the impression he probably gave vague answers about whether hed consider it because he states he wasnt really taking her seriously. , Jenni Lyn After a while it was clear he wasn't going to propose. In modern culture, we have invented the idea of staying together for life because its more politically and socially correct. I think a lot of the time people are afraid of the risk of commitment, but they forget that refusing to progress the relationship always carries the risk that the other person will leave, and find someone who wll take that risk. Almost there! You were a selfish ass. She told me she wanted to be married by 28, I was working on making that happen. What was holding you back? The key is to give her plenty of time to respond. When you dont, youre just asking for problems. She will see her feelings for you as being a sign that you and her arent meant to remain broke up. But she knew that if stayed with you, she would never be able to spread out her own wings. Depending on the size of the home, and the number of bedrooms, there may not be a bedroom for the daughter unless Grandma moves out. Login first Where was all that effort when we were still in a relationship? That means listening to her when she has something to say and making an effort to change if a change is required. April 30, 2020, 7:45 pm. You can then build on those feelings and make her remember why she seriously wanted to share her life with you in the first place. But is he actually willing to live apart from her? If your girlfriend has left you because you didnt propose to her, dont get discouraged. dating, going on holidays, having fun together as a family) is just dressing, accessories and distractions to make sure that the breeding happens and the offspring are taken care of. She reminds me of me and as a loving woman that wants a future holds on to that when they find their other half, which is rare to find these days, especially now that Im 41 and hes 46. It revolves around feeling heard, cared for, and appreciated. April 30, 2020, 10:57 am. Am I wrong for not wanting her to move into our new home? Start right where you are by separating what is yours and what is his. Together, they have a 24-year-old daughter named April, and Lisa has a 33-year-old daughter named Carly, whom .